don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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