you guys were way drunker than both of me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
