Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
