I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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