Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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