1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
