I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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