You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
