K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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