He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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