go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
