HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bring money and cleavage
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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