Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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