I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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