NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
