Is it because I queefed?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
