She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
