I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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