Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
