i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize