I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize