so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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