I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
