At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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