Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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