i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
