My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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