Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
