i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
