I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
