I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
