I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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