She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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