Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's always time for handjobs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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