Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
