i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
