Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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