I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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