I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
