I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
