youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
