what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize