dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can text with my tongue
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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