It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
