No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
