I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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