Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
40s are totally the cure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize