I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
