I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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