you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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