Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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