Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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