The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
