You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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