haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
