Farmville is her only friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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