He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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