just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
