my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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