I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
