Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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