I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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