I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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