Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
