Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
