If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
