i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He has the fingertips of a God
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