You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
