I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
