I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
