The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
